There is a good poetic flow to it but you should take out the average day bit. It's just a restatement. And where it says" each twist of my finger makes the pattern of the water more alike to the one before; like the days of my life" I would rephrase that where it says " I sit and watch the swirls dance around each other. Almost identical, just like the days of my life. Each twist of my finger produces another ring like the last." Other than that it's awesome! Your a wonderful writer and you should continue to keep up the great work on this story.
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